03/01/04 Tred's City Tips

Tred’s
City Tips

1)It’s deer season. Deer hunters wear camo outfits and have bows and arrows. They are not Iraqi terrorists. Bow hunters often hunt in tree stands 12 to 25 feet off the ground. Most hunting is done in the early morning and the first two hours of light. Stay out of the woods. East Enders tolerate your jet skis, kayaks and windsurfs during the summer. Leave us our woods. We know you city people are so much smarter than us. Is there anything you don’t understand?
2)When you see all these grass houses on the water, they’re duck blinds. The cork and plastic ducks are decoys. The people have guns and they are duck hunting. Hunters have the legal right to hunt, just as city dwellers and green peace advocates have the right to play the dangerous games of golf and badminton. Leave them alone.
3)Just so no one gets upset; if you’re a democrat, you’re confused. Even my gun dogs, Hoss and Buster, are Republicans.
4)If anyone does not know where holiday turkeys come from, I execute two of mine the day before Thanksgiving and the day before Christmas. The turkeys you buy at the store have the feathers removed for you. That’s why they don’t have feathers. My turkey’s names are Thanksgiving and Christmas. Appropriate, don’t you think?
5)There will be snow in two months. Everyone call your Land Rover and Hummer dealers immediately to find the 4X4 switch on the lever. Nothing like being prepared.

Till next tide,
Tred